Jen's Mass Emails, Reprinted

MASS EMAIL #8: I'm alive!

2005-10-03T21:50:00.000+03:00

Greetings from the great beyond. I've been meaning to do this for, er, months, but well time runs away from me and my version of jogging wouldn't get me into the Special Olympics. I couldn't even catch up to the short bus.

So, major events/happenings:

#1 My birthday: It was April 29th, but despite what Miss Snotty Manners says, gifts are never really late, so you still have time. I celebrated my golden birthday (29 on the 29th) with group of about 10 friends. We met in a cabin in the mountains and ate and hiked and talked. Good times. Actually, the last day we met this odd Bulgarian man who wanted to show us the "right" trail. Skeptical but open we followed him into the woods (I know, I know - this is the point in the movie where you think "God! People are so damn stupid!"). Well, all but Wendy, Scott and I were smart enough to turn back and not just keep following the man. Turns out he's something of a marathon runner and practices in the mountains. Yes, he runs up mountains for fun. We were in the middle of nowhere with a crazy person. So, the "view" was always just a "little further" and so we kept following. Despite the fact that it was t-shirt weather down with the sane people (what I was wearing), we hiked so far up there was still plenty of snow and ice. Shivering but sweating, we hiked until we couldn't hike anymore. Complete exhaustion. The fun part though was getting down in the snow and ice. It was basically a "slide and hope you don't slip over the edge" tactic. It worked, though I was wet from snow in the end. The best part was we told everyone else that we were going for a short hike and would be back in "oh, an hour or so". Well, SIX HOURS later we returned to find our friends wondering how well they could describe a mass murderer and wondering what the mountain rescue league's number was. This worry, I think, pales in comparison to when my family called me on my birthday only to discover I was on a train that was ON FIRE and that we weren't getting off. I laughed, they did not. Good times.

#2 Copenhagen: I do believe Copenhagen is my favorite foreign city thus far. It's by far the most livable. Imagine your favorite neighborhood. Make sure there are cozy cafes, charming restaurants, boutique stores and bicycle racks on every block. Add sensible, but well dressed people including career women and men with strollers. Lots of public parks, dogs, everyone bikes. Now, imagine that as an entire city. It was a little slice of heaven. If you are into introverted blondes, it's also a quite nice place for sight-seeing. Of course I'm not. Noooo. I wasn't there for the eye candy. Not to say there was any...I mean I guess if you liked that kind of thing, it was there. I was there for the art (modern art at Louisiana, among the best around) and food (every kind, including amazing brunches) and shopping (which I couldn't afford) and guys....I mean... GOD! This keyboard has a mind of it's own. I went to Copenhagen alone, something I originally was hesitant to do, but something that turned out to be absolutely the right move. Being on my own time, in my own space, following my own whims was something I really needed.

#3 Welcoming summer: One of the perks of living in society that is still primarily agrarian is that seasonal changed are not ignored. With summer comes sun and warmer weather. The outdoor cafes, long walks, plentiful fruits and veggies, trips to the Black Sea, and general good cheer follow. It came to the point where I needed to plan for a weekend at home, if I did indeed intend to have one. Every weekend there was a hiking trip or sea trip or a visit to a friend...something. No one wants to stay home when the weather beckons you to enjoy it. As I suspected, I am not much of a beach person (as David Mamet said "The problem with vacation is that there's nothing to do there"). I just don't get it. What AM I supposed to do? I am pale, I can't just bake. It's hot. Napping only takes so much time. It's hot. There are annoying children. It's hot. Um, the beach would be better with some air conditioning and a laptop, that's all I'm saying. Hiking, however, I can do. It's busy. You're moving. There's progress. There are things to see. There are challenges. There's a POINT. Plus, I do love accessories and gear is nothing more than really practical accessories. The more I hike, the more accessories I can justify. How fun is that?

#4 Being social: The increased activity mentioned above has led to my social circles and networks expanding in new and wonderful ways. In the last 6 months or so my circle of friends has doubled and includes many people I don't know how I got through the first 6 months without. I do have this odd trait though: I like to be friends with individuals, not with groups. If my friends all like each other and can interact, fine. Great. But I really don't call someone a friend I can't exist with one-on-one. It's just weird to me. This leads me to have friends that come from a variety of places and with a variety of interests and personalities. All good to me, not always so good to mix and match. Wires cross easily. Keeping track of who likes whom is something of a task and, of course, cutting through so many social circles means information leaks are bound to happen and, well, the Peace Corps gossip mill didn't need any help. Two years of socializing with the same people is a bit like high school and I can tell you that high school wasn't a nightmare because you were a teenager, it was a nightmare because those people were IT. People are fine solo, but when they are pulled every which direction by the same people who pull you...god. This is why I need to live in a large city. That and access to a proper cocktail.

#5 Work: When I say people are out enjoying the weather, I mean it. The non-profit I work for hasn't been to work AT ALL in 6 weeks. I'll stop in to check the mail, see if someone's around, but until the weather cools I don't expect to see them at all. The municipality I work for is similar. I arrived at work two weeks ago and the whole building was shut down. Lights off. Locked. No one even told me. I think it was just supposed to be obvious somehow. I did start, prior to the sun ruining my plans, working with local non-profits to construct a local NGO resource center. I need to make changes to the proposal and then submit it for funding in November. That's the work I have right now. A project 90% written due in mid-November. JOY. The strange thing is...I don't really know when people work here. In the winter it's too cold, people just kind of huddle. Summer, everyone's gone. Spring and fall get lumped into winter or summer attitudes, depending on the temperature. Just when I feel like something is moving, it doesn't. So tiring. I've been here a year and still understand so very little.

#6 Prague: Embracing the no-work-here mentality, I just returned from a fun filled trip to Prague. I met my friend Scott (the one from NYC, not Scott from here...it's confusing, I know) for a fun-filled week of eating and shopping and....er...I think we did other things. Basically, you get two foodies who love to shop together and put them anywhere and that's what happens. The product line up in the bathroom was damn funny (I forgot to take a picture, damn it!). There were two sinks and, well, half the Kiehl's line was on them. Prague was nice to see as an example of what Bulgaria is trying to do - beautify itself and make it open for visitors. Seeing Bulgaria, at this point, is impossible without knowledge of Bulgarian. It's not an easy destination. My general impression of Prague though was that it had tourist-friendly area and then NON-friendly areas. There was expensive and really cheap. Nothing in between. Each side felt not quite right (though indulging in the Western treats was soooo nice and I did it without much, ok any, guilt). Prague seems to have lost some of its authenticity in its lure of Western partiers and tour buses. I fear that Bulgaria will do the same.

#7 One year anniversary: My one year anniversary has come and gone. It's hard to believe I've been here that long and yet hard to believe it's only been a year. Pictures from my last apartment seem like snapshots from a long lost relative's life. Conversations with other volunteers the first year was centered around making things work here, figuring it out somehow. Like magic, the day we were here for a year everyone seemed to switch conversational topics to what we'd do when we returned, what it would be like, how we'd be different. The return home seems so much closer now. I'm really looking forward to it (and to moving to Chicago, my soon-to-be home) though everyone assures us that the adjustment back home is much worse than it was when arriving here. I can't wait!

I'm sure I have more I could say, but...well, this this has taken long enough to get out and I just need to get it out so I can get on with my life. I'll be better about emailing, I promise!

Take care,
Jen

PS - I've noticed an unfortunate dearth in my package arrivals recently... and I really need some replacement Starbucks (ground, Verona is nice) and really anything yummy, like wasabi peas. Yummy is good. And some pillowcases. Don't ask.

MASS EMAIL #7: Celebrating March and the beginning of spring...

2005-04-10T22:42:00.000+03:00

Greetings again, friends, family and other forced readers.

Spring is arriving quickly here in Bulgaria, particularly in Haskovo, which (locals say) has the most days of sunshine out of all the towns in Bulgaria. I actually believe them. The cafes are reopening their outdoor seating, people are taking long walks and the town is suddenly very populated. During winter people hid in their homes so much (self included) that the town seemed deserted. Now, it seems impossible that all of these people live here.

The first of March is called "Baba Marta Day" (meaning Grandma March). It's sort of a personification of the spring-developing process. There are all sorts of traditions that happen on Baba Marta Day: children jumping over small fires for good luck, fathers pretending to chop down the most fruitful tree only to be stopped by the cries of children who halt him and bring the tree good luck, lots of baked goods. The most common and widely practiced tradition though is giving a "martinita" to friends and family. It's a string or cloth bracelet with red (for health) and white (for luck) and sometimes other colors too. When you tie it on a person you wish them love, health, happiness and any number of other good things. As you tie it on someone they get to make a wish. It was one of those days - one of those joyous days to be in Bulgaria. There was so much good cheer. Also, it was like some funny Adult Friendship Bracelet Day. There were all of these serious and polished professionals with dozens of stringy bracelets hanging off their wrists. Hard to be reserved when that happens. The bracelets stay on until the first sign of spring. The first sign of spring is interpreted in any number of varying degrees: a few warm sunny days in a row, a blossoming tree, or seeing a stork or sparrow (oh yeah, there are storks here - lots). If you remove the bracelet and tie it to a blossoming tree you get to make another wish. There are tons of trees in town with bracelets hanging from them - it's really quite a thing to see.

The second celebration was Bulgarian Liberation Day (March 3). Let me just say this: in addition to being thankful for folks shrugging off those bloody Brits, you should be thankful that they did so in a month that's not freezing cold, where there is nothing you can do outdoors but shiver. AND...and you should be thankful that auditoriums have central heating, so that if you were to go to see a cultural show to celebrate the cold independence day, it wouldn't be so cold that you were shaking and could see the speaker's breath. Think about that when you are barbecuing and drinking cold beers in July.

Also in March (the 8th) was International Women's Day. It's celebrated with some amount of fanfare, though people link it to former socialist times or to "bad treatment 364 days, good treatment 1". Whatever the case, men (and women) give the women in their lives flowers, appreciation and good wishes. Flower stalls were everywhere and restaurants were booked well in advance. Not quite as fun as Baba Marta, Women's Day still made me realize that we Americans need to recognize more than life (birthdays, Mother's/Father's Day, etc), death (varying memorial days for past heroes and events) and love (anniversaries, Valentine's, etc).

The American holiday lacking in this list of March festivities is St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, they don't really do that here. See, superstition says that blue-eyed people like myself can give you the "evil eye" and curse you without even meaning to or knowing it. Can't really blame the people for not celebrating us evil eyers. There were some Americans and other expats who gathered in the capitol for it, but that was out of my budget for the month and I've come to doubt the fun of drinking with random volunteers, who are often badly behaved. I tried to find green food coloring, figuring I could introduce that to my workplace, but I couldn't even find that. I'll have to find a better way to recognize St. Pat's for next year.

Other things I've done: I met some friends in Veliko Turnovo for a fun weekend of exploring a town not exclusively populated by blok apartments. I met some gals in Sofia, the capitol, for shopping, eating non-Bulgarian food and hours of much needed girl talk. Frustrated with the way my program is run, I rewrote my Peace Corps program's project plan and submitted it (without being asked) to my Country Director and Program Director. It was rather ballsy, but it seems to have been appreciated and taken into consideration. I'll keep you posted on what comes of it. I'm also working on helping training be revamped to actually reflect the skills we come in with and the jobs we are going to do. Shock. Let you know what happens there too.

Future plans include a birthday celebration (I think I'm one of few adults who still likes getting older. I just figure "hey, that's crap I don't have to do ever again!"). My friend Megan is helping me coordinate a hiking weekend (my birthday falls on Orthodox Easter weekend here, making it 3 days). From May 7-14 I am also going to Copenhagen, Denmark. I need a break from just about everything so I'm going alone to explore, see art, shop, sit in cafes...and anything else I want to do (or not do, as the case may be). If you have any Copenhagen tips, please share, esp regarding lodging, which can be quite expensive.

On April 22nd a new batch of volunteers arrives. It's weird to think I've been here so long I'm no longer in the freshman class. Time has flown. With spring comes the willingness to travel more - to see other volunteers and other towns. Bulgaria, for all it's crazy backwardness, is a beautiful country. I can't wait to see more of it.

Hope you are well and spending time in the sunshine.

Jen

MASS EMAIL #6: Yes, I am still alive

2005-03-13T22:28:00.003+02:00

Long overdue greetings, one and all.

Hope this finds you well and welcoming bursts of spring. There was a spring day here today. Yes, it’s the first. Oh so welcome though.

I know this letter is long overdue. I haven’t written since before Christmas, which seems like an eon ago. I think I am going to just try to make this letter monthly. It would keep me on it to have a date when I felt I was supposed to do it….in any case, I bather on already.

So, Christmas. I went back to my host family in Velingrad and was welcomed with open arms by everyone. I sorely missed home and all the little traditions I am used to, but it was really great to share the event with my host family. As Eli, my host mom, said to her brother in the States: “see, she’s not just a friend she really is family”. It felt like it for sure. Here in Bulgaria, as I may have mentioned, Christmas Eve is of significantly greater importance than Christmas proper. Christmas Eve is for family and Christmas is for friends. Each family seems to have their own version of what happens on Christmas Eve and why, but here was what we did in my family: a vegan dinner was cooked – no meat or dairy, for purity. Food was placed on the floor with wine and three lit candles for the Trinity. The meal honors those dead and the leftovers are kept on the floor overnight to feed departed loved ones. The meal is eaten with everyone sitting in a circle on the floor, but it’s set as a table. It’s fairly somber. ….Well, that what was SUPPOSED to happen. Here’s what happened: A vegan meal was cooked. We all sat on the floor, plied our plates and there was this long silence. I didn’t know what everyone else was doing but I was hoping for some yummy yogurt sauce to go with the otherwise strange stuffed cabbage leaves. How was I going to choke this down?! Suddenly Toshko, my host dad, gets up, goes to the kitchen and comes back with….YOGURT SAUCE! Everyone was so relieved! So, out with the “pure” dinner. One of the candles had a problem with it, so eventually it was just put out. No Trinity. After about five minutes of eating we were all uncomfortable. We were supposed to eat off the floor, but eating off a plate in front of you is hard. Do you sit Indian style and risk dropping crap all over yourself (a REAL risk for me!)? Do you sit with your legs to the side? They fall asleep after awhile and how do you get up from the floor with deadened legs? After a lot of shifting we all just picked up our plates and ate holding our plates at chest level. No proper floor eating. Once finished with the meal, we cleared the empty plates. There was quite an amount of excess food on the “table” though and it was supposed to be left there overnight. My host mom, quite a sassy thing, decided to put the family ghosts on a diet. She piled a plate for them and left it to the side. Tripping over the leftovers the next day was a family tradition she’d had enough of. All of the improvising and makeshift measures made me love the event even more – and really added to the feeling of being family.

New Year’s Eve is a much bigger event for Bulgarians. It’s the day where you nearly get burned alive by teenage boys. Seriously. Every male (and there was an enormous gender divide here) threw fireworks all day long. We’re talking things like M-80s. Huge noisemakers. Scariest part? There are no fuses. None. There’s this tip that you light and a few seconds later the thing goes off. Walking down the street that day was dangerous business. I spent the holiday with some friends in Pravitz, a college town in western Bulgaria. Not fully realizing the seriousness of the holiday, we failed to make reservations long in advance and found ourselves making a makeshift meal at home. We celebrated more properly the next night, when we could walk into any restaurant without a hitch and without risking our lives. Who needs to celebrate on the exact day anyhow?

Let’s see…that leaves another 2.5 months to explain. Damn. Um…there was this Peace Corps conference where they all talked to use like children. And then lots of the volunteers got so drunk they ACTED like children. Oh, yeah. Those were good times. Darwin has decided that my family has made it too far and has delivered various complications to various family members, which I’ve gotten to hear about via instant messaging and email. That’s pretty grand. My friend Megan and I were harassed and intimidated (and Megan sexually assaulted) on a train one night. That was…well, that was just damn scary. I’ve also spent a lot of time fighting the winter blahs. One never fully understands the Eastern European mentality of heaviness and despair until one lives through a winter in a cement blok apartment, I say. There were times when The Cure was just too perky for me.

There must be good news though…there MUST be…hmmm….Well, work is picking up a bit. I am working on some women’s employment projects and a networking project…also waiting to hear about multiple proposals we submitted for things like a regional women’s rights newsletter. John and I are helping local vets and animal lovers start pet registration and a more humane shelter. Looking for computers and books for the local library. Thinking of a project to train local NGOs in strategy and marketing. Oy!

Part of the Bulgarian holiday tradition (there’s a point to going back to that, I promise) is to have bread with things stuffed inside signaling luck or health or love or any number of other things. The large loaf is torn by the eldest man of the house and handed to each person without looking at the contents. Of course, no one told me this so when I found all these twigs in my bread I was very…appalled. It turns out that the twigs stood for health – each one did, and I got all six that were in the loaf (it was freakish, and not appreciated by my superstitious and aging host grandmother). I mention this (in addition to wanting to share a fun tidbit) because I, along with a host of other Peace Corps volunteers in Bulgaria, am participating in the November Athens marathon. OK. OK. No, I did not have a personality transplant. Nor did I have a physical one. I won’t be running it – more like speed walking or fast shuffling – but I figure that 26 miles of anything is quite an accomplishment. I’m sure I’ll have various stories along the way, of the comical “I am such a klutz” type, but I am looking forward to it nonetheless.

That’s the basic news, since it’s all so old now I don’t know what else to say. I will take a moment though to promote….MY BIRTHDAY! Oh yeah! I’ll be 29 on the 29th (April, that is). My golden birthday and my last year in the stinking, rotten 20s (good riddance!)!! My address is below. Feel free to send me lots of presents and cards and pictures. I could really use some new Eddie Bauer v-necks (large, no white), some Starbucks coffee, scented candles, good music, random gourmet food, REI or Amazon gift certificates…I can come up with other ideas too, I have sooo very many.

Hope all is well in your world. I’ll send another letter in April (I SWEAR!) with more details about Bulgaria and what I actually am doing here, since no one seems to know that (and I don’t ever get around to telling it).

Best to you and yours,
Jen

MASS EMAIL #5: Happy Holidays Bulgarian Style

2004-12-18T23:00:00.001+02:00

Greetings and salutations!

Hope all is well in your corner of the world. My corner is a little colder than I'd like it to be (the temperature is in Celsius though - a system I still don't get - so I don't know the exact measure of my discomfort). Heat here isn't centralized (actually, there is central heat in my building - it just doesn't work - looks nice though) so we heat by these inefficient electric heaters. Most Bulgarians heat only one room in the winter and they sleep and eat and watch TV and read and do everything there. Together. The whole family. Surprisingly, there aren't a lot of murders here. The thought of endlessly sharing a small room with several other people makes me want to go all Tony Soprano. They are a patient people (sort of).

For those on the mailing list who can count, you've surely concluded that the one room where you sleep and eat and hang would not be the bathroom. To repeat more clearly: the bathroom isn't heated - at all. It's an outhouse with plumbing (fitting well into my bloc apartment - a cement bunker with windows). Showering isn't much fun. In fact, it's really, really, really cold. And then there's the unheated hallway from the bathroom to the bedroom - more fun. (I don't follow the Bulgarian one room rule, even though I live alone. Shh! Don't tell Peace Corps. I just don't see the point of sleeping in my living room that takes two heaters to keep warm when there is a BEDROOM that only requires one. I turn the heater on at 8pm and by 10 its toasty. For two hours I heat two rooms a night. Ah, the luxury!)

Oh, right. This email is about the holidays, not about the stinking cold. So, Thanksgiving was a blast. John and I hosted 8 other volunteers for a semi-traditional thanksgiving meal. "Semi-traditional" because some things are just not here (like cranberries), other things are a little odd (see turkey story below), and the 10 people included 3 vegans and 2 other vegetarians. A little improvisation was needed. Almost two days of cooking later, we pulled together a honey-baked ham, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, lots of veggies, vegan stuffing, deviled eggs, banana-raspberry bread (I don't like banana bread, so I added raspberries - it's a tasty addition), and the traditional table of pre-dinner snacks. One guest brought a pumpkin pie and John baked a show-stealing apple pie - truly awesome. Everyone had a great time. It was quite an accomplishment (and if you need vegan gravy or stuffing ideas, I am now your girl).

So, the turkey story: Most food outside of America is smaller - we eat A LOT! - except for turkeys in Bulgaria. Through a co-worker we found one in a local village - a live one - that weighed 10 kilograms (approx. 22 pounds). It was the smallest one he could find. Here's the really freaky part (well, one of them): Bulgarians don't eat turkey outside of Christmas. Turkeys are raised for Christmas dinner, so this turkey was still not at its top weight - it still had about a month of eating and growing to go. Due to the size of the turkey, the limited size of our ovens (my oven can hold a casserole and a bread pan - that's it), the limited number of carnivores at dinner and the fear that the bird would arrive in some pre-Butterball state (alive, unfeathered, whatever) we opted out of it.

The holiday season isn't as measurable as it is in the States. We know it starts at Thanksgiving - the shopping, the lights, the songs, whatever. It starts on Thanksgiving. When you eliminate Thanksgiving you eliminate the starting point. So, the holiday season trickles in little by little. Then, you eliminate all the shopping. There is shopping here, but nothing like in the States. It's mainly for the children and even then seems like it is quite limited. There aren't so many Christmas (called koleda) carols here, in fact, the ones I've heard are ours and the outside of apartments and homes are rarely decorated and lit. It doesn't seem like much of a holiday season at all.

For Christmas, I am going "home" to my host family in Velingrad. They are quite excited to have me over and it will be fun to see the different cultural traditions. Not fully aware of what people do here for gifts and such I will be armed with peanut butter cookies and mix CDs and toys for the little girl (Betina, 6). I think it will be a lot of fun.

Under communism people weren't allowed to openly celebrate Christmas (and perhaps under the "Turkish yoke" as well), so some of the old timers still don't make a big deal out of it. New Years is often the day of big winter fun - with lots of food and people. The young people though, like the American idea of Christmas presents and a day with the family followed by New Years with friends. I'll be following that model and spending New Years with a friend or two in another town.

Work is busy and the social life is up and down. I met with a Peace Corps staff member who assured me that I needed to be here at least 6 months before things started to really click together. Six months is a LONG time. In New York everyone is always trying to catch up to everyone and everything else. You are propelled forward - like it or not. Here, the coping mechanism is getting used to whiplash - going forward and then being halted for no damn good reason.

So, I have been rather methodically going through the old emails in my inbox and trying to respond to them as best I can. I realized when I started doing this just how behind I have allowed my emails to get. Sorry. If you want immediate feedback, I am on Yahoo! Messenger (j*****) and AOL Instant Messager (s****) most evenings (afternoons for you). Also, if you are curious about my daily happenings ( the smaller stories and feelings that never seem to make it to these letters), I have started a blog. It is: http://jenbulgaria.blogspot.com/. I'll be making entries regularly.

Hope your holidays are wonderful! More news in the new year.

Best,
Jen

MASS EMAIL #4: Getting settled

2004-11-22T23:00:00.000+02:00

Bulgarian greetings once again!

Since my last email I have moved (well, I was successfully moved, I can't claim to have done the moving). The day before I left Velingrad one of my soon-to-be co-workers drove to my house with her very large boyfriend to pick up my bags (and there were plenty!). My bags left me, destined for my apartment where I would only need to unpack them (it's good to be queen) and the next day I headed for my last Trainee Hub. In Pazardjik, we had one last, boring day of lectures and paperwork then headed to Sofia to be officially sworn in as volunteers. After being sworn in, the Regional Vice Governor picked up John and me and drove us several hours to our new home - Haskovo.

I've spent a lot of time (and money) trying to get my apartment set up so that I feel I have a home here. As most of you know, the feeling of warm, comfy coziness is my foundation and something very important to me, so it seems worth the investment. It keeps me from having the "true" Bulgarian experience (whatever that is), but a solid base also means I have more to offer. You should always put your own air mask on first. So, I got to start from scratch, and as I bought exciting luxuries like trash cans and toliet brushes and detergent and Italian coffee makers (heh!) the money quickly drifted away. I was lucky in that I was given an apartment with a lot of things supplied (TV, washer, some bedding), but still setting up the place has proven to be quite expensive, and certainly more than the 320 leva (about $200) the Peace Corps gave for a moving-in allowance. In addition to the financial struggles of moving and setting up a place, there has been, of course, the issue of language. You may find this surprising, but things like "dish drainer" and "shower rod" don't make it into bilingual dictionaries. Most frightening of all though is a helpful sales person who insists on explaining things: which is better, what it does, etc. As an American, and someone who has spent 10 years in NYC, I like to spend my cash in places where people ignore me, thank you.

My jobs here provide a few challenges. In the "obshtina" (the municipality over my town and about 35 villages) I am technically assigned to do project and proposal work in the department of international relations. What this has meant so far is that I email a lot (but not quickly, since the connection isn't the best) and try to do some research - until I get frustrated by the lack of speed or my inability to foresee what I will do with the information. People mainly speak English to me, excited by the opportunity to practice and frustrated by my need for them to speak s-l-o-w-l-y. Primarily though they just stick to speaking Bulgarian to each other and I understand a word or two every now and again. Gradually those words will get closer and closer together until I actually understand! I can't wait.

My other job, a non-governmental organization called Ikar gives me a bit more work - in many ways. It's located in an office about the size of my old Sociology office (for those who've seen it), has one computer and 2 people (plus me). The two women who work there, Veneta and Toni are kind and encouraging and enthusiastic. They are also very dramatic and often, er, excessively interested. After a 7-hour day of this, I want to become a monk. But I can't. Religious men have all the luck. Toni and Veneta do, however, give me work (proposals to write in English, surveys that they were going to somehow analyze by hand that need a speadsheet, etc). Unfortunately, there is but one computer and three of us, so when I get the computer they are 1) killing time by just hanging out 2) killing time WAITING for the computer or 3) hovering. Guess which 3 drives me nuts.

I've been in Haskovo about 3 weeks. It's certainly different than training - less forms, less paternalism - but it's still pretty difficult. In the beginning you don't understand enough of the structure and the politics, not to mention the language, to do much. So one's job is to gather and learn and see and be and do. And it's all very exhausting. You are learning and such because you don't know and when you don't know nearly everything (how to read a Bulgarian washing machine or how to ask for baking powder or where the bus goes) it can be pretty damn overwhelming. Never one for small talk and idle chit chat, I interact with people less than I should - prematurely annoyed that they might stick to small talk and frightened that they won't, leaving me clueless. It’s lose-lose, not to mention intellectually exhausting to only be able to understand the things you couldn’t care less about. I find myself trying to escape a lot – watching downloaded movies (copyright, schmopyright), instant messaging…and I’ve become addicted to the New York Times online – brain food I can understand.

In my pursuit of understanding, I have gotten a language tutor. Bianka. Peace Corps pays for up to 120 hours/year of tutoring, so I might as well take advantage of it. She teaches English to 3rd and 4th graders, so I am using some of her teaching materials (ok, really I am using a 2nd grade text) to help learn the language. With some luck and hard work, I'll be an average 4th grader. The volunteer who had my position before me (I am but a replacement for a Peace Corps volunteer slot here) used Bianka and found that she learned very little. Of course I just discovered this. Bianka is also the best friend of one of the people I work with so severing that tie will not be easy. I've been given another lead on a tutor, so I'll pursue that and somehow figure out the logistics with Bianka. One of the things about Bulgaria, and most anywhere, I guess, I is that people really like to connect you with their friends - everyone knows someone who can do what you are looking for. Here though, people don't understand that something, or someone, might just not be a fit for you, or even understand "no".

In more personal news, for those who don't know, my dad is in the hospital. He had a horseback riding accident over a month ago where the horse rolled on top of him, leaving them both unconscious. The accident, as you might imagine, led to many complications and problems. Dad is now paraplegic, has had several emergency surgeries and once he becomes stable enough will have back surgery and then begin physical therapy. It's been difficult to be away from the family and States in general through it all, but I'm doing nearly as much here as I could there.

In Bulgaria there is a sight we have all grown accustomed to seeing. In the foreground there are signs of daily life: veggie markets, buses, houses and apartment blocks, street signs. The super background is often this majestic and seemingly unreachable landscape. The middle ground though is blocked by a half-completed municipal concrete structure or sulfur clouds or trees or those aforementioned signs of daily life. Before I arrived here, I thought that people (namely, myself) endured the unknown middle ground in pursuit of the landscape – the pursuit of the view from the top. It’s the American in me, I guess. Fighting and screaming, I’m beginning to think that we – that I – missed the point: that the experience of the middle ground is its own reward and that the view from the top, when reached without short-sightedness, only points out the other middle grounds to be explored.

Hope you are enjoying your own unknown middle ground.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Jen

As with any move, my contact information has changed. Feel free to send gifts and letters and dry-iced bacon. Mmmmm…. Also, I have set up instant messaging accounts with both Yahoo! (jen_bulgaria) and AOL (sapientarcadia). On there most evenings, even if only briefly.

MASS EMAIL #3: A new chapter, but not yet...

2004-10-01T11:00:00.000+03:00

Greetings, again.

A lot has happened since my last letter. For starters, I now know where I will spend my next two years. Funny background, for those of you who don’t know: my official assignment here was in “Rural Development”. So, I was mentally prepared to live some simple, bucolic life and packed for such a life (even contemplated purchasing overalls). My actual assignment is quite different. There is a road connecting Eastern Europe with Western Europe (it’s a lot smaller than you’re imagining) and another running from Turkey to Ukraine. I will be working the next two years in the town/city at the crossroad of these thoroughfares. A place called Haskovo. The municipality represents about 80,000 people. Included in that number are Bulgarians, Roma (the separate-but-equal Bulgarians), Turks and Armenians. It’s really quite diverse and borders on being cosmopolitan. There is an enormous fresh fruit and vegetable market, open every day, Italian, Chinese, Turkish and Greek restaurants (a real treat here, where variety means a different brand of salami), fun bars, a ton of cafes, parks, a movie theater or two, two universities, local (and seemingly talented) silversmiths, and a well-stocked public library. Here’s the best part (those who know me well can appreciate my excitement): renovation was just finished on the local theatre (as in dramatic stage) and they put on at least half a dozen plays a month. I just missed an Oscar Wilde play, in Bulgarian of course.

I have been given two assignments in Haskovo: the first is with the International Relations Department of the municipality. I’ll be working with the local efforts to prepare for entering the EU, strengthening local international representation, cross-border projects, and writing proposals for international funding (EU, USAID, etc). The team seems fun and laid-back, which is nice, since I packed like I was going to hoe corn for two years. The other assignment is with an NGO (non-profit organization) called Ekar – representing the interest of various disenfranchised groups (children, women, handicapped, etc.) They really lack focus (in fact, I could write an entire email on the lack of strategy in both assignments and the country as a whole), which is a little daunting, but also means I have a lot of wiggle room to create pet projects, which I am already formulating (social commentary in another email). It’s a small organization with a lot of enthusiasm and support, so good things may come.

While in Haskovo, I stayed in the place which will soon be my apartment. It’s about a 10 minute walk to the center of town, is clean and well furnished (including TV, VCR and washing machine), has two balconies and is almost too big for one person (almost). I joined the Peace Corps to live better than I did in New York. Who knew? The only drawback of the apartment is that it is located in a student block apartment building, which means it will be like living in a discotheque for 9 months out of the year (on the flip side, most college students know some English which could be nice in a jam). I was there for the official site visit three days, but stayed for the weekend because it was so great. By the time I left, I had already had five overnight guests – all of which were excited to return once we finally leave training.

To add to the good news, I received a rather unusual treat in my assignment. Typically, Peace Corps volunteers are assigned to a location rather remote and without any other volunteers nearby (it is not unusual here to take a 4 hour bus trip to visit someone for the weekend). Being in a large town, many trains and buses run through Haskovo (including a direct bus to Istanbul), making the journey in and out of the city rather easy. Also, John, the friend I mentioned in the last email, was assigned to Haskovo and will work about 2 blocks from me in the regional administration. Many of you may have heard me joke in the States that I was welcoming all the bad luck I’d been having because I felt I was going to cash it in soon. Well, I might get the opportunity to do just that. In the meantime…

All of the excitement and pending greatness made returning to training seem even more painful. Training, if I haven’t already described it, is like being put in a meat grinder. They don’t care who you are going in as long as everyone is the same going out. Anyone who has an individualistic streak finds it dull and excruciating. Anyone intelligent finds it condescending and trite. Anyone with a problem with authority finds it infuriating. You can guess how I feel. Every morning we sit in class and learn basic Bulgarian phrases (I woke up at 7, tomorrow I will wake up at 8), have lunch (read: bitch session), then spend the afternoon interviewing managers and youth and craftsmen only to fill out worksheets (WORKSHEETS!) about what we gained from the experience (not much, since we couldn’t let the conversation flow naturally, thanks to the !@#$ing worksheets), have coffee (bitch some more) and then off to home to have choppy conversations in a mix of Bulgarian and English and eat some food that we wouldn’t eat if it were polite to pass. I can say, if this is any reflection of what purgatory would be like, I recommend deciding now to be virtuous or sinful so that there is no question when the time comes.

Personal side note, then I will part. There are a few of us, not anti-American, but not flag-wavers either, who have been really struggling with who we are and how we “fit” (if we weren’t typical Americans, now we are really atypical). We wondered aloud how we were going to embrace the Bulgarian way of life and view point and if we’d have to change who we were to do so. It became this enormous issue that made us irritable and really closed to much of the cross-cultural experience. One-by-one that tension broke, and it broke for each of us in the same way – we discovered something really different, even American, about ourselves that we liked and wanted to keep. I went for a long walk in the rain. Dripping wet and barefoot, I realized I wasn’t here for shelter or superficial acceptance. A friend started caring dog food to feed a stray litter of puppies (a common site here, and one that is ignored) and realized that it was fine to care about something, even if no one else did. Once we embraced our own differences, the differences of others were so much easier to enjoy. And, rather surprisingly in a homogeneous culture, people seemed really open to our otherness. My dripping wet clothes and hair were only met with smiles and friendly greetings. When my friend bought dog food for the litter, he didn’t have small change (always an issue here). The store owner just smiled at him, knew what he was doing with the food, and let him take it with an IOU. …Being me is something that I’m good at doing and was glad to realize I needed to do here too – it was the good friend I’d been missing.

Thanks to all of those who sent me packages. I haven’t actually received them yet. We have packages sent to our hub site and haven’t had a hub meeting in about 1.5 weeks. I will go there next Thursday. I can’t wait. Also, I have a cell phone, for those who want to chat (incoming calls are free for me, so call away). It is, from the States: 0-359-886-874-713. Two good calling cards are: http://www.speedypin.com/ and http://www.masterbell.com/. Don’t forget the time difference (7 hours ahead of NYC and 8 ahead of the Midwest). Once I get to Haskovo I will have a landline, which is cheaper to call, but it’s not for another 3 weeks or so. Plus, don’t make the American assumption that a landline is clearer than a cell. Not necessarily so here.

I hope you are all doing well, and appreciate your support and well wishes. Keep them coming – soul food goes well with salami.

Love and hugs,
Jen

MASS EMAIL #2: An unexpected journey

2004-09-07T23:00:00.000+03:00

*Note: small edits to the wish list below. Current wishes are highlighted. Also have an Amazon wishlist, just look up my email. THANKS!*

Zdravete!

Greetings again from Bulgaria! I had originally intended these letters to be weekly, but time is a little different here. It seems to creep by oh-so slowly although there is never enough of it.

As I think I mentioned, I am now in the “trainee” phase of being a Peace Corps volunteer. This means that I am temporarily stationed in a town and staying with a host family while I study the language, have technical training, etc. The town, Velingrad, is located in the central southwest of the country. I am stationed here for the next two months with a language trainer (Margarita) and four other trainees (John, Eric, Greg and Lori). We see each other 5 days a week for 4-5 hours a day. It’s like family – and all the pluses and minuses that come with that territory. While I generally don’t feel like I have much in common with my group, I am extraordinarily lucky that there is one exception. John and I have become good, close friends. We share many characteristics and values, while having intriguing differences. John harbors in his heart while I harbor in my head, making for dynamic exchanges and shared experiences. He is great fun and a suburb confidant. In the last few weeks we have served as each other’s life raft more than either of us would care to mention.

On that note, I have to say the Peace Corps is harder than I thought it would be – harder because the challenges come from unforeseen sources. Life, generally, is fine. The food is different (more bland and basic), but edible. The culture is a little usual (everyone and their mother – Huns, Turks, Slavs, etc – passed through here leaving their mark) but not alarmingly so. The people speak a different language (in so many ways), but are genuinely friendly and hospitable. There are, however, no immediate signs of home. At first the “otherness” is exotic and fun and then, at odd moments, that strangeness knocks you over like a bowling pin. You miss people and situations and options – you even miss things you couldn’t wait to leave (anything “venti,” “supreme,” or “to go”). Little things like understanding someone, finding someplace inviting or setting a pattern can seem lifesaving. We go to “hub” in Pazardzhik about once a week. There, a list of received packages and letters is posted on the wall. Coming from an alien planet, one might think that that list was a decree from God about one’s worth as a person. A lack of mail – signs from home, signals of love – has the ability to crush a person until the next decree is posted.

So that none of you think I am nearing some emotional edge, I do have to say I have had good platonic luck here. I have two people (John and Megan) I’ve established an immediate, close connection to. John, I’ve mentioned, and Megan I met at the KC airport. Checking in my two excessively large bags, I was asked where I was taking everything. When I said “Bulgaria” the desk person said “Oh, that’s odd, so is she”. That she was Megan. We rode the whole plane ride to Philadelphia together and have never stopped talking. Originally from Kansas City herself, she and I share a similar sense of humor (and bite), sensibility and drive. With both John and Megan I have had the kind of soul-bearing conversations that one needs in order to maintain a personal center through such a trying experience. There are other people too that I have connected with – but those are budding connections.

While it seems like we joined some extended camp to deal with emotional baggage, we all realize that we didn’t. I have been introduced to multiple serious social topics that remind me why I am here. For starters, there are three “Bulgarians” – the “regular” Orthodox Bulgarians, the Bulgareen Mohammadany (those that converted to Islam when the Turks came through) and the Roma (the nomads forced to settle). When asked about the ethic problems in the country, the patent response is that there is “no problem”. The sitation is that the Muslims live in separate villages and sections, which are inevitably remarkably poorer than the towns, and the Roma live like refugees. A few of us took a walk through a Roma neighborhood, guided by a Roma NGO director, and felt like we had suddenly stepped into a Save the Children commercial. Eight people live in a single room “house” with no electricity or running water. They were never taught proper sanitation or agricultural skills, so little is grown and the garbage is next to the water supply. Children run around dirty, and obviously underfed, in few clothes and without shoes. The popular attitude is that Roma are dirty, grubbing thieves. One host father, not mine, thankfully, even stated that the only way to deal with the Roma was with a gun.

In addition to dealing with some of the internal issues, our other goal is to assist Bulgaria in its EU accession. Multiple problems need to be solved, or at least addressed, before Bulgaria is granted EU membership (which it is hoping for by 2007). Friday, I find out where I will be placed and what I will do exactly for the next 2 years. Some type of project management, probably in a municipality. I’ll keep you posted.

I want to take the time to thank everyone who has sent me email(s) and apologize for not returning them with due speed. For these three months of training (rumored to be the hardest part of service) my time is not my own. I am constantly at the disposal of my host family, language trainer, and the Peace Corps generally. I am expected to be involved with family events, to study at night, to create and implement a community project, to visit other towns and sites and to do a hell of a lot of paperwork. I am perpetually exhausted. Also, because I am not living in my own space (and am only here temporarily) I can’t get home internet access and instead rely upon internet cafes filled with preteen boys playing games with each other. Know that your words and updates and encouragements have meant the world to me (and keep them coming). I can’t promise right now that the exchange of emails will be even, but I will do my best to make sure that changes as soon as possible.

Finally, several people have volunteered to send me things if I should want and/or need them. Well, you asked. Here is a list of things I’d like. Perhaps you can coordinate with each other about who will do what.

- Music (Music has been such a comfort to me, so if you have anything worth sharing and want to send a CDR, I will accept. Note this as a standing invitation.)
- Qtips (one large box) **Got it! Thanks Ellen!**
- Kleenex (one of those packs of the 9 little packs) **Thanks to many**
- Info (especially academic) about EU integration and its impact
**Thanks to Barbara and Josipa for the first shipment!**
- Twizzlers, especially Nibs **Thanks, Ellen! Always room for more.**
- Carefree Orange Koolers gum
**gum here sucks. Thanks again to El for the 1st shipment**
- Spearmint Altoids **never got these, dag nab it**
- Modern History of Bulgaria
- Intensive Bulgarian II
- Teach Yourself Bulgarian
- ANY Bulgaria travel guides **Thanks, Barbara!**
- *high* quality foot lotion

MASS EMAIL #1: Posh Corps

2004-08-14T23:00:00.000+03:00

* For those who didn't originally receive this email, know that it has been edited. Some comments were a wee bit too pointed to be posted publicly. Heh.*

*****
Hello from Bulgaria!

I just wanted to send an introductory note to say that I got here safely. The plane trip from KC to Phili was a lot of fun and I met Megan on the flight - who was headed to Peace Corps - Bulgaria too. We have had a great time together and get along famously.

In Philadelphia we (60 entering volunteers) stayed at the Holiday Inn in the historic district and had our last taste of Indian and Mexican food and Irish bars. On the whole the group seems great, though there are a few I suspect suffered a major head injury at some point.

We checked into JFK with no problem, though I would have been voted "Largest Bags". "Most Luggage" would have gone to someone else, thankfully. We flew to Paris, then to Sofia. Once in Sofia we took a shuttle bus from the plane to the airport, after which I discovered I left my passport in the plane. After insisting and being questioned by multiple people, I finally convinced someone I wasn't lying and that they needed to go look. I was eventually let into the country. Phew.

A long, stinky, non-air-conditioned bus ride later, we arrived in Strelcha at a former communist police resort with a swimming pool, cafe, tennis courts, etc that over looked the mountains. We stayed there for four days or so and went to lectures and got shots and ate a LOT of food.

Finally, yesterday, we were taken to our host families - where we will stay for 3 months. I am placed with a young couple (28) with a 6-year old girl. The husband's parents live below and the whole neighborhood has come to see/meet me. Everyone is exceptionally warm and kind, using as much Hollywood and JLo English as they can. Only 4-5 volunteers are in each town and my town is Valingrad - the most popular spa/resort town in Bulgaria. Natural hot springs, pools, 5-star hotels, etc. It is in the mountains and my room, on the top floor, has a balcony that overlooks everything.

So, as you can see life in Bulgaria is pretty damn good! In fact, we are all quickly falling in love with it.

I will write more later, I have to get back to the house to help my family can fruits and vegetables for the winter.

Take care! I miss you all!
Jen